In relationship, as in life, there are two or three mechanisms that are absolutely surefire ways to make yourself and your relationship miserable.
When you employ one of these mechanisms in your life - and almost every one of us do - it is close to impossible to be hopeful about the future and confident about yourself.
In this article, I'll show you the most insidious of these "misery makers", and give you a powerful replacement.
When couples and singles come to us for support, they almost always come with some sort of complaint, problem.
or dissatisfaction they want us to "fix" for them (often, the "problem" is another person...
:-).
The form of complaint, if it's a couple, can be something like "my partner doesn't listen", "our sex is dead!", "she criticizes me a lot", "we hardly ever talk, really talk", "we fight about the same things" and so on.
For a single person, it might sound like this: "there aren't any good men out there!", "I feel trapped in relationship", "I hate dating", "I've gotten so used to being single, there isn't any room for another person in my life", or maybe simply "men are jerks!" or "women always end up yelling and screaming".
On the surface of it, all these complaints would appear to be quite different in nature, yes? One has to with sex, one with communication, one with anger, another with dating, and yet another with losing the spark.
Different, right? Yes and no.
Yes, there are certainly different, and targeted suggestions to all of these.
And no, they are not necessarily all that different.
As a matter of fact, almost every single person who utters these complaints, single or coupled, carries around with them some version of Insidious Misery Maker #1, which is assured to keep them their dreams at bay and stop them in their tracks every single time.
This infamous #1 is this: I am not going to get what I want! Or one of it's cousins: Things don't work out for me, or I never get what I want.
The big problem with this belief is that it's hardly recognized for the damage it does.
But in reality, for most people it is woven subtly into the way we think and speak, and thus into the reality we create for ourselves, in relationship and in life.
For example, I was coaching a man today who at age 57 realized that he'd always stopped short of going for what he wanted.
He would think new ideas over till they were dead; he would get impulses to do something new, but then try so hard to figure out HOW everything was going to work out, and he never seem to get around to actually taking any action toward it.
And now he wakes up to not having created the life he wants.
And most importantly, he realized that his "mantra" in life up till now had been "things don't work out for me anyway".
Isn't that a great reason to NOT take action on a new idea? I mean, think about it, if you deep down believe it won't turn out anyway, why bother? It's a game-stopper, literally, like no other.
The solution to this dilemma is the exact opposite of Insidious Misery Maker #1, namely "What I Want Is Coming To Me!" Everything I want I can have.
All I dream of is on its way to me (even if I have no clue how it's going to get here).
I can have what I want.
Can you feel how soothing that is to think? Just try it on for size.
Commit to trying in on for a week, just to explore how it feels.
You can always discard it and go back "nothing ever works out for me".
Telling yourself that what you want is coming and that thing always works out for you is the biggest relief you'll ever find.
And interestingly, walking around with that attitude will put you in a state where your fit to actually receive all the great things your relationship and your life has to offer.
All those wonderful things you don't even see when you're thinking "I can't have what I want".
Just try it out.
And see what gets opened up for you.
And send me an email and tell me; I'd love to hear.