Tradition

• The tradition of asking a woman's father for permission to marry his daughter originated in the years where marriages were made for financial, societal or status reasons instead of because a couple was in love. At this time, the father of the future bride wanted to weigh the pros and cons of allowing his daughter to enter into marriage with a man. In more recent times, asking for a woman's hand in marriage allowed her father to question the groom about his ability to care for his daughter and talk about his love for her. Some future grooms want their potential father-in-law's blessing before taking the big step of proposing to a woman.
  
  

Views

• Some men feel it is respectful to discuss a future marriage with their mate's father before taking the step to seal the deal. Some fathers may feel slighted if they aren't told about the impending plans to propose to their daughter. On the other hand, many women feel that this tradition is outdated and sexist and feel they don't need their father's permission to decide to get married. The views on this tradition vary among families and cultures and knowing your future wife's family should help you decide whether asking her father for her hand in marriage is necessary.
  
  

Tips for Grooms

• Being prepared and relaxed makes the conversation about marriage with your girlfriend's father easier. If you have never met him, try to arrange a few outings or meals to share so that you can get to know the father better, which gives you a feel for how the conversation should progress. Once you are ready, set up a time where you can talk alone without interruption. Dinner or a drink as a restaurant is a better option than a round of golf, for example. Tell him how you feel about his daughter, that you are prepared to love and care for her for the rest of your lives and ask him for his blessing on the proposal. Practice a few times first so you don't stumble over words or mistakenly say the wrong thing.
  
  

Considerations

• If you and your girlfriend are minors, which is typically under the age of 18, both sets of parents will have to consent to the union. This is one instance where talking to your future bride's father is important despite your feelings about the tradition. The same goes if you are of age, but she is not.