12 Steps: Inside Recovery
The 12 Steps are a process for creating transformation in body, mind, emotions and spirit. This simple, step by step method can result in miracles. (Simple not being synonymous with easy). There is hard work involved and courage to face the denial and dishonesty inherent in addiction. "How can you tell if an addict is lying?" "If her lips are moving".
1. We admitted we were powerless over ......-that our lives had become unmanageable. The "we" part of the program is highlighted as important in healing the terminal uniqueness of the addictive personality. Powerlessness is explained as the inability to use willpower to stop once you've started to use/started the addictive behavior. It's described as similar to "taking a bunch of laxatives and using willpower not to poop". This is supported by research in the brain chemistry changes created by addiction that cause craving. Unmanageability is often denied by the addict, and the enabler. Intervention, where concerned others relate their experience of the problematic behaviors of the addict is often used to reduce denial of unmanageability.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could resore us to sanity.The program is clear about only requiring a willingness to believe in something greater than yourself. That can be the group of sober individuals. It is not a religious program and has specific writing to atheists to underscore that. Many members define sanity as simply making the choice to abstain from the drug/behavior that has caused such negative results for them in the past.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God. The first 3 steps are often shortened to "We Came, Came To, Came to Believe". Turning your will (your thinking) and your life (your actions) over to your own conception of God-often referred to in the program as simply "Good Orderly Direction" .
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. This is the step that empowers this process. It differentiates it from techniques that result in "spiritual bypassing", which is manufactured spirituality. Emotions such as resentment, anger, shame, guilt, and fear, which underlie addiction are not denied and suppressed but rather identified and accepted. When you take responsibilty for your actions, and write down your deepest darkest secrets (we're as sick as our secrets) it begins healing your shame and becoming authentic, which will save your life.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Real Freedom begins here. People-pleasing and acting on the snoopy adage "the secret to life is to look good at a distance" , results from fear of allowing others to see you exactly as you are. When you get to this step you have probably shared a lot of your "deepest darkest" with others at meetings, and have experienced not only unconditional acceptance, but others who have done much worse things, which is such a relief. From here you choose someone to listen to what you have written down, as the beginning of ending the separation you've felt from others because of your own self-judgment.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. In the predeeding step you experience acceptance of yourself, just as you are, warts and all, through sharing with a nonjudgmental person your flawed thinking, and less-than-wonderful actions through the years. Your concept of a Higher Power that is loving, rather than punishing, and forgiving of any perceived defect in your character is being built through this interaction with other addicts who have regarded you with compassion throughout your journey to this point. This step requires you to have listed what you feel are your defects, and to simply become willing to allow them to be transmuted. Often in meetings you will have heard others with some time talking honestly about their struggle with self-centredness, fear, etc. and you will notice how genuine and relaxed they are in their human-ness. This is the goal of these steps-progress, not perfection.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. This is a subtle, yet important broadening and deepening of self-inventory. Again, you are asked to be mindful of how you came up short in being the kind of person you want to be. Again this is not done from an ego driven or self-punishing perspective, but with humility (and lots of times feeling humiliated, I've found when I've had to confess to another my unkind or less than honest behavior or words).
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Self-justification is a hallmark of the wounded soul of an addictive personality. The steps are divinely designed to encourage you to take responsibilty for your behavior, regardless of the actions of another. By this time you will be aware that you can't hold on to toxic emotions like resentment, shame, guilt and fear without eventually needing to suppress those feelings with addictive behavior. Your goal is to not need a crutch to face the world-to be genuine and transparent because you've realized your worth is not dependent on anyone else. Paying back the money you may have  stolen (and justified)  is often easier than thinking about facing people who trusted you and telling them you know you were a self-centred jerk and took advantage of their trust, or that you caused serious harm to a child or other vulnerable person. The program says are you "willing to go to any lengths" to be free?This will take all the courage you have -but as with everything in the process, you dont have to do it alone!!
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. With no thought of the consequences to yourself (except every night beforehand when you're shaking in your shoes) you continue this journey of reclaiming your Soul. The promises which follow doing, this step include: " We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. ..That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. ...Self-seeking will slip away....Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. ...We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves." (Excerpt from Alcoholics Anonymous/Big Book pg. 83-84)
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. This program for successful living includes regular self-examination as the foundation of ensuring the humility required for correct relationship with yourself, others and God. "Promptly" prevents the build-up of resentment fueled by self-justification, which blocks that relationship.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. As step 10 clears any blocks to your alignment with God; "My access to the Power is my attitude", so your daily spiritual practice would include sitting in the silence, prayer such as "not my will, but thine be done" to maintain that clear channel.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to… (alcoholics), and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Coming to experience yourself as a spiritual being (God is not in you as the raisin is in the bun, but rather God is in you as the ocean is in the wave.), means that you are free from obsession and compulsion. When you share your journey with another who suffers, you strengthen your own recovery. You are now invited to join us as we practice these principles at home, at work and at play.
Blessings,
LynnÂ
1. We admitted we were powerless over ......-that our lives had become unmanageable. The "we" part of the program is highlighted as important in healing the terminal uniqueness of the addictive personality. Powerlessness is explained as the inability to use willpower to stop once you've started to use/started the addictive behavior. It's described as similar to "taking a bunch of laxatives and using willpower not to poop". This is supported by research in the brain chemistry changes created by addiction that cause craving. Unmanageability is often denied by the addict, and the enabler. Intervention, where concerned others relate their experience of the problematic behaviors of the addict is often used to reduce denial of unmanageability.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could resore us to sanity.The program is clear about only requiring a willingness to believe in something greater than yourself. That can be the group of sober individuals. It is not a religious program and has specific writing to atheists to underscore that. Many members define sanity as simply making the choice to abstain from the drug/behavior that has caused such negative results for them in the past.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God. The first 3 steps are often shortened to "We Came, Came To, Came to Believe". Turning your will (your thinking) and your life (your actions) over to your own conception of God-often referred to in the program as simply "Good Orderly Direction" .
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. This is the step that empowers this process. It differentiates it from techniques that result in "spiritual bypassing", which is manufactured spirituality. Emotions such as resentment, anger, shame, guilt, and fear, which underlie addiction are not denied and suppressed but rather identified and accepted. When you take responsibilty for your actions, and write down your deepest darkest secrets (we're as sick as our secrets) it begins healing your shame and becoming authentic, which will save your life.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Real Freedom begins here. People-pleasing and acting on the snoopy adage "the secret to life is to look good at a distance" , results from fear of allowing others to see you exactly as you are. When you get to this step you have probably shared a lot of your "deepest darkest" with others at meetings, and have experienced not only unconditional acceptance, but others who have done much worse things, which is such a relief. From here you choose someone to listen to what you have written down, as the beginning of ending the separation you've felt from others because of your own self-judgment.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. In the predeeding step you experience acceptance of yourself, just as you are, warts and all, through sharing with a nonjudgmental person your flawed thinking, and less-than-wonderful actions through the years. Your concept of a Higher Power that is loving, rather than punishing, and forgiving of any perceived defect in your character is being built through this interaction with other addicts who have regarded you with compassion throughout your journey to this point. This step requires you to have listed what you feel are your defects, and to simply become willing to allow them to be transmuted. Often in meetings you will have heard others with some time talking honestly about their struggle with self-centredness, fear, etc. and you will notice how genuine and relaxed they are in their human-ness. This is the goal of these steps-progress, not perfection.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. This is a subtle, yet important broadening and deepening of self-inventory. Again, you are asked to be mindful of how you came up short in being the kind of person you want to be. Again this is not done from an ego driven or self-punishing perspective, but with humility (and lots of times feeling humiliated, I've found when I've had to confess to another my unkind or less than honest behavior or words).
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Self-justification is a hallmark of the wounded soul of an addictive personality. The steps are divinely designed to encourage you to take responsibilty for your behavior, regardless of the actions of another. By this time you will be aware that you can't hold on to toxic emotions like resentment, shame, guilt and fear without eventually needing to suppress those feelings with addictive behavior. Your goal is to not need a crutch to face the world-to be genuine and transparent because you've realized your worth is not dependent on anyone else. Paying back the money you may have  stolen (and justified)  is often easier than thinking about facing people who trusted you and telling them you know you were a self-centred jerk and took advantage of their trust, or that you caused serious harm to a child or other vulnerable person. The program says are you "willing to go to any lengths" to be free?This will take all the courage you have -but as with everything in the process, you dont have to do it alone!!
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. With no thought of the consequences to yourself (except every night beforehand when you're shaking in your shoes) you continue this journey of reclaiming your Soul. The promises which follow doing, this step include: " We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. ..That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. ...Self-seeking will slip away....Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. ...We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves." (Excerpt from Alcoholics Anonymous/Big Book pg. 83-84)
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. This program for successful living includes regular self-examination as the foundation of ensuring the humility required for correct relationship with yourself, others and God. "Promptly" prevents the build-up of resentment fueled by self-justification, which blocks that relationship.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. As step 10 clears any blocks to your alignment with God; "My access to the Power is my attitude", so your daily spiritual practice would include sitting in the silence, prayer such as "not my will, but thine be done" to maintain that clear channel.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to… (alcoholics), and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Coming to experience yourself as a spiritual being (God is not in you as the raisin is in the bun, but rather God is in you as the ocean is in the wave.), means that you are free from obsession and compulsion. When you share your journey with another who suffers, you strengthen your own recovery. You are now invited to join us as we practice these principles at home, at work and at play.
Blessings,
LynnÂ
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