Divorce often brings with it a feeling of failure.
Many people feel that they have let themselves, their children, family and friends down.
This is often also a time of major upheaval.
A new home often needs to be sourced, finances may be straitened and starting again can feel to be a daunting prospect.
Becoming single and doing it successfully often needs a little patience.
Often the pressure to make important choices whilst healing can cause mistakes to be made.
It can be important to take time and avoid rushing into major decision-making at this time.
- Living somewhere that feels safe and friendly is an important first step.
Sharing a home, having companionship can be a good idea initially and it can also help to have someone who will share the household bills.
It can help with the cash flow whilst financial matters are being sorted.
Staying with supportive family or friends can be a useful move, especially if there are children who need a secure base or we are feeling especially vulnerable.
- Dealing with any underlying issues is important.
Counselling and hypnotherapy offer real advantages at this time, as a way of identifying and treating negative behaviour patterns or low self-esteem and confidence.
Therapy can help people recognise if they push other people away, do not communicate well or have become especially damaged by the breakup.
These patterns often need healing in order to become successfully single and potentially able to date again in the future.
- Taking time to discover what is wanted from life before looking for a new partner is a healthy strategy.
It can be fun to explore new career options, possibilities for travel, long-forgotten interests before deciding to settle down again.
Certain practical considerations often still have to be attended to but a new start can provides unique opportunities that, realistically could not have been entertained until now.
- Identify what is not wanted from life whilst the opportunity presents itself.
A breakup provides a time to reflect on what has not been happy or satisfying in our life to date.
Some people begin to realise that they had not really enjoyed where they lived, their career, the compromises that their old life entailed.
Being successfully single means recognising what we want to let go of and exploring the potential for a full and satisfying new start.
- To achieve a happy, fulfilling single life it requires being proactive, making an effort to go out, accepting invitations and letting other people know that we exist and are ready and willing to participate.
A useful rule is to accept any invitation that comes along, we never know where it may lead.
Quite often the most unlikely invitations lead to exciting opportunities; and if they don't, no matter.
Perspective is an important part of being successfully single.
Enjoying the freedom to do what we want, eat when and whatever we feel like, please ourselves and be answerable to no one can be very liberating.
Every situation has its pros and cons and planning ahead, dealing with our vulnerable areas can minimise the negative side to being single and make it a positive experience.