Asaram Bapu Will Enter Pharmaceutical Industry - Launch Museli Equivalents
03 Sept 2013
Jaipur: Asaram Bapu today dropped a bombshell by declaring that he will soon launch a Pharmaceutical business, with the focus being on drugs to enhance men's virility.
"The first product will be a male potency drug." He said, while speaking in Jaipur to a horde of press correspondents. As if this revelation was not enough, he also added that simultaneously he will quit Godman business.
"It will be a product to counter Viagra and other versions of Viagra."
Amid the stunned silence, when the Funnynomics correspondent asked what led him to enter this competitive industry at this stage of life, he said the sudden universal knowledge about his libido at this advanced age was a major advertisement.
"Seeing is believing... today thanks to this case and the charges levelled against me... the whole world knows that I am potent... that I am viril, functional. I am already flooded with the enquiries from around the world about the secret behind my good health. Even the Rajasthan Police cadres have been asking me more about my diet pattern and nutraceuticals I use than investigating the charges against me. Obviously it will be foolish to let such an opportunity slip."
OK..then wouldn't it be appropriate that a Godman like you must share the secret of your functional health with the readers of Funnynomics? For the benefit of the world at large, you understand.
"LoOK..I have been experimenting with various potency concoctions over the years... tried everything... however what worked was some thing totally trivial..totally insignificant loOKing... It is the leaves of a small shrub that grows only in deepest recesses of Himalayan range... as you can understand..revealing the name of the herb would be counter-productive at this stage."
And how do you use it? I mean make a brew out of it... use it's paste as an ointment or produce a ayurvedic ashtam? Asked the now-intrigued Funnynomics correspondent.
"It's none of these... no one can imagine it... Not even Baba Ramdev who runs a pharma company larger than his yogic talents. The leaves are so potent that they just need to be in touch with your body; any body part... not just with you-understand-what. That is the reason I always wear a crown of flowers. People think I wear a flowry crown for decoration... nonsense. The flowers are plaited together with the wonderful leaves of that shrub that guarantees magical potency."
"It's divine really... sometimes extremely stressful events lead to a complete turnaround... Today thanks to this case I have suddenly emerged as the icon of virility... as a master on male health... I could not have achieved any of this without this case. How could I have ever proven my own virility so openly... today thanks to this medical examination it is known to entire world. Medical experts are wondering... Remember I was under duress, I was under severe pressure, I even claimed that I was impotent, and yet the proof of my excellent health is easily visible. That shows the efficacy of my drugs."
"It is so lucrative that I plan to relinquish the GODMAN business." Said Bapu with his charismatic smile that has endeared him to lacs of people around the country. "From now on my son Narayan Sai will be the godman while I will focus at male virility business."
Bapu... You really think it can be so lucrative?
Madame... male erectile functionality drugs are a multibillion dollar industry... In India millions of quacks make so much money by selling concoctions like Rhino horn oil dipped in ostritch egg yOKe... Viagra sells in high millions... and yet people are not satisfied.. There are reports that Viagra possibly causes sudden hearing loss, there are reports that Viagra leads to dependency and vision abnormalities, there are reports that Viagra leads to nausea, diarrhea, stomach pain... none of these problems occurs with my herbs. Obviously I have a great market."
"Besides, thanks to this crisis I understood that even being a GODMAN may not save you from this kind of crisis... the very politicians who used to prostrate before me have ditched me. However I am sure the same politicians will again gather around me to get hold of this potency drug."
"Actually they need me for more than this reason... I can actually save the government of India from current economic crisis. With trade deficit running close to $200 billion, the country's economy desperately needs an exportable product. I can single-handedly achieve more than Commerce Minister Anand Sharma."
Meanwhile Kunnath pharmaceutical of Kerala, a prominent neutraceutical company selling Museli concoctions said it was too early to say something about Asaram's challenge. "However we are increasing our advertising budget with immediate effect to cope with new challenges."
In another development Funnynomics learned that Baba Ramdev has asked all employees of his Divya Pharmacy to scour the Himalayan forests for the said herb. "The sale of this one drug alone will exceed all sales of our existing products put together."
Funnynomics
(Disclaimer: This news report is pure fiction, a produce of fertile imagination, and none of the people, organisations, NGO, politicians, office bearers, or government officials mentioned on this page have anything to do with this topic, subject or report. Entire fabrication is meant for simple fun. Asaram Bapu has not announced any such plans, nor has he decided to retire from Godmanship.)
Jaipur: Asaram Bapu today dropped a bombshell by declaring that he will soon launch a Pharmaceutical business, with the focus being on drugs to enhance men's virility.
"The first product will be a male potency drug." He said, while speaking in Jaipur to a horde of press correspondents. As if this revelation was not enough, he also added that simultaneously he will quit Godman business.
"It will be a product to counter Viagra and other versions of Viagra."
Amid the stunned silence, when the Funnynomics correspondent asked what led him to enter this competitive industry at this stage of life, he said the sudden universal knowledge about his libido at this advanced age was a major advertisement.
"Seeing is believing... today thanks to this case and the charges levelled against me... the whole world knows that I am potent... that I am viril, functional. I am already flooded with the enquiries from around the world about the secret behind my good health. Even the Rajasthan Police cadres have been asking me more about my diet pattern and nutraceuticals I use than investigating the charges against me. Obviously it will be foolish to let such an opportunity slip."
OK..then wouldn't it be appropriate that a Godman like you must share the secret of your functional health with the readers of Funnynomics? For the benefit of the world at large, you understand.
"LoOK..I have been experimenting with various potency concoctions over the years... tried everything... however what worked was some thing totally trivial..totally insignificant loOKing... It is the leaves of a small shrub that grows only in deepest recesses of Himalayan range... as you can understand..revealing the name of the herb would be counter-productive at this stage."
And how do you use it? I mean make a brew out of it... use it's paste as an ointment or produce a ayurvedic ashtam? Asked the now-intrigued Funnynomics correspondent.
"It's none of these... no one can imagine it... Not even Baba Ramdev who runs a pharma company larger than his yogic talents. The leaves are so potent that they just need to be in touch with your body; any body part... not just with you-understand-what. That is the reason I always wear a crown of flowers. People think I wear a flowry crown for decoration... nonsense. The flowers are plaited together with the wonderful leaves of that shrub that guarantees magical potency."
"It's divine really... sometimes extremely stressful events lead to a complete turnaround... Today thanks to this case I have suddenly emerged as the icon of virility... as a master on male health... I could not have achieved any of this without this case. How could I have ever proven my own virility so openly... today thanks to this medical examination it is known to entire world. Medical experts are wondering... Remember I was under duress, I was under severe pressure, I even claimed that I was impotent, and yet the proof of my excellent health is easily visible. That shows the efficacy of my drugs."
"It is so lucrative that I plan to relinquish the GODMAN business." Said Bapu with his charismatic smile that has endeared him to lacs of people around the country. "From now on my son Narayan Sai will be the godman while I will focus at male virility business."
Bapu... You really think it can be so lucrative?
Madame... male erectile functionality drugs are a multibillion dollar industry... In India millions of quacks make so much money by selling concoctions like Rhino horn oil dipped in ostritch egg yOKe... Viagra sells in high millions... and yet people are not satisfied.. There are reports that Viagra possibly causes sudden hearing loss, there are reports that Viagra leads to dependency and vision abnormalities, there are reports that Viagra leads to nausea, diarrhea, stomach pain... none of these problems occurs with my herbs. Obviously I have a great market."
"Besides, thanks to this crisis I understood that even being a GODMAN may not save you from this kind of crisis... the very politicians who used to prostrate before me have ditched me. However I am sure the same politicians will again gather around me to get hold of this potency drug."
"Actually they need me for more than this reason... I can actually save the government of India from current economic crisis. With trade deficit running close to $200 billion, the country's economy desperately needs an exportable product. I can single-handedly achieve more than Commerce Minister Anand Sharma."
Meanwhile Kunnath pharmaceutical of Kerala, a prominent neutraceutical company selling Museli concoctions said it was too early to say something about Asaram's challenge. "However we are increasing our advertising budget with immediate effect to cope with new challenges."
In another development Funnynomics learned that Baba Ramdev has asked all employees of his Divya Pharmacy to scour the Himalayan forests for the said herb. "The sale of this one drug alone will exceed all sales of our existing products put together."
Funnynomics
(Disclaimer: This news report is pure fiction, a produce of fertile imagination, and none of the people, organisations, NGO, politicians, office bearers, or government officials mentioned on this page have anything to do with this topic, subject or report. Entire fabrication is meant for simple fun. Asaram Bapu has not announced any such plans, nor has he decided to retire from Godmanship.)
Source...